don't go

I was not born to be a spokesperson. It's uncomfortable for me, and my emotions usually get the better of me. Those of you who know me, know that I am opinionated, but I usually steer clear of voicing anything terribly emotional. Since Gabriel was born, however, I find myself a reluctant advocate. I don't feel I've quite found my voice yet, though.

I've been hesitant to post about this. The second I heard about it I was sick and I was sad. But, I guess I feel that in the end, if I don't, I'm somehow supportive of it. And really, I just want there to be some awareness, especially amongst our friends.

You may or may not have heard about some of the controversy over the movie Tropic Thunder. Many groups have spoken out against it. For those of you who haven't here is a brief run down.

Here’s a very unofficial transcript of a scene from the upcoming film Tropic Thunder, in which Robert Downey Jr. advises Ben Stiller on how to play a character with an intellectual disability. In the scene, the two men are actors discussing a fictional film called “Simple Jack.” (Note: Includes language that may be considered offensive.)

Stiller: There were times when I was doing Jack when I actually felt retarded. Like really retarded.

Downey: Oh yeah. Damn.

Stiller: In a weird way, I had to sort of just free myself up to believe that it was okay to be stupid or dumb.

Downey: To be a moron.

Stiller: Yeah.

Downey: To be moronical.

Stiller: Exactly.

Downey: An imbecile.

Stiller: Yeah. When I was playing a character.

Downey: When you was a character.

Stiller: Yeah, I mean, as Jack. Definitely.

Downey: It’s like working with mercury. It’s how science makes art form.

Stiller: Yeah.

Downey: You an artist.

Stiller: It’s what we do, right?

Downey: Everybody knows you never do a full retard.

Stiller: What do you mean?

Downey: Check it out. Dustin Hoffman, Rainman, look retarded, act retarded, not retarded. Count toothpicks to your cards. Autistic. Sure. Not retarded.

You know Tom Hanks, Forrest Gump. Slow, yes. Retarded, maybe. Braces on his legs. But he charmed the pants off Nixon and he won a ping-pong competition? That ain’t retarded.

You went full retard, man. Never go full retard.

Ugh! I can't say enough how much I hate that word! Folks who enjoy the movie just the way it is, say that those of us who are offended are too sensitive - Ben Stiller is really mocking the movie industry, etc. But seriously. They were advertising t-shirts with the line 'never go full retard' on them. Is that funny? Are you laughing at the movie industry when you see that? They also say that if we're offended, duh, don't go see the movie. That's fine. And I won't. But it still won't protect my child or others like him from hurting when some quick-witted teenager or grown-up child repeats this hilarious new phrase. Hopefully, there will be some awareness here that makes people understand it's not okay. Can't something be genuinely funny instead of it just being shocking? For a little more info about the content of the movie GO HERE.

I've gone over many opinions going both ways over the last few days, and it's all swimming around in my head. This may or may not make any sense to anyone reading. I'm just a mom, who loves all her kids. One happens to have special needs. I worry about his future. Not about what he will be able to accomplish, but how much kindness he may or may not find in the world. These lines from the movie add to my worry. I can't and wouldn't want to keep him here in our family bubble forever. Don't we all just want our kids to be safe and happy?

My words really are inadequate. They don't do my feelings justice and there is so much more I want to say. I suppose I just hope you don't go and support the movie. (To read some articulate words by Timothy Shriver GO HERE.)

The End.

damn the usa and their restrictions

Beware of slight rant:

If only I could live in Mexico...

Today, Todd met with a guy who needed some financial planning advice. The guy also happens to be in our ward and is not real familiar with our family but knows how many kids we have - and he has seen Gabriel.

This guy (I'll call him 'Mr. Man'), during conversation tells Todd that he has a good friend that often helps in an orphanage for special needs kids in Mexico. Apparently there are several children there with Down syndrome that have been given special vitamins and minerals or supplements that have CURED their DS!!! They don't offer that here, says Mr. Man, because the US has too many restrictions on the vitamins.

WOW!!!

Seriously?? It's amazing that Mexico's health system - particularly via the orphanage - is so cutting edge. If only I had access to the Magic Vitamins, my child would no longer carry a triplicate copy of the 21st chromosome that is now found on each and every one of the millions of cells throughout his body. Miraculous.

After Todd informed Mr. Man in a polite, almost passive aggresive way, that it's likely not being cured since it's a chromosomal condition, Mr. Man still insisted that it is, in fact, what was going on there at the orphanage.

Whatever. I wonder if he was wondering why Todd wasn't up to speed on this new discovery that would 'cure' our child. Perhaps he thought he was being helpful and possibly guiding us in a direction we hadn't yet thought of - maybe even expecting Todd to cut the meeting short so we could pack our bags and head off to Mexico. I try to remind myself that even in his ignorance he was just trying to be helpful or even just make conversation. But I'm an overprotective, super -sensitive mommy.

I know that there are supplements that people (even here in the inferior U-S- of -A) give their children with DS in hopes that it's helpful, some do even claim curing many of the developmental delays and 'improvements' in their appearance. But, guess what? I'm not looking for a cure. Not only because I'm not convinced that they work, but because I love Gabriel exactly the way God sent him to me. He teaches me everyday about uncontional love and acceptance that I'm sure I would learn no other way. I look at others with challenges and differences with more compassion than I did before Gabriel.

All that I would change is for others to be able to see us a just a regular family, with a different 'normal' than theirs. Most of the time, I don't feel so different, because most people have been great with Gabriel and my initial fears of ridicule have gone unfounded. Maybe that's why when I hear someone say something as ludicrous as Mr. Man, it gets me going and it makes me do something wild like blog about it.