four

Today is Gabriel's 4th birthday! It seems like only yesterday that he was born, but at the same time it feels like he's been with us always.

Today his birthday is in happy contrast to his original birthday. The day he joined our family was so emotional. I've mentioned previously that we did not have a prenatal diagnosis of Down syndrome. I had many ultrasounds with no unusual findings - he did not have a heart defect, etc. I refused the triple screen, which I had taken with my other 2 pregnancies. I don't know why, really - but I have some theories I won't go into here.

After a long day trying to determine whether or not I was in labor, he joined us at 1:58 am. This was significant, because the very kind nurse who had been with me all night, ended her shift at 2:00 am - I was glad she made it to the delivery. We took pictures, called some family members, noted his resemblance to this person or that person and celebrated his arrival. As we looked him over, I mentioned to Todd that I thought his eyes looked 'strange', but somewhat dismissed it as being a result of the antibiotic drops. After a moment, the nurse who just arrived to her shift asked if anyone had talked to us about Down syndrome.... What the...?

And so began our journey. The first days and weeks were filled with many many tears. I didn't know anything about Down syndrome. All of the general stereotypes flashed before me, and I didn't know what kind of life he had ahead of him. I still loved him. I still thought he was beautiful. But uncertainty and feeling not up to the task sometimes overwhelmed me. (I must add, though, that Todd never once has been anything less than accepting, loving, excited and overall wonderful about Gabriel - and supportive to me during my small breakdowns.) Slowly, but surely, the uncertainty dissolved and I was able to see him first as my sweet baby - rather than first seeing the Down syndrome. Those first few months I thought I would never think of anything else again.

On this, his birthday, we celebrate him in our family. Everyone loves him. We are grateful for his example. Funny how much you can learn from a 4 year old. He has a joy unmatched by anyone I know. He loves everybody. There are times walking down the hall at church, when I have to pry him off some stranger's leg (occasionally, he gives a quick pat on the bum)! The older kids learn from teaching him. They revel in his successes and joyfully boast about them to all who will listen. I love him fiercely and unconditionally - more than I thought myself capable.

I love:

• his bright blue eyes and white blond hair
• his enthusiasm to try new things.
• that he wants to cuddle with Taylor at night - so much so, that if Taylor won't let him in his bed, Gabriel would rather sleep on the floor next to the bed than in his own.
• his belly laugh
• his excitement when his music therapist comes for "playtime".
• that when someone is leaving, he'll stand at the door and exclaim, "Goodbye" until they are out of sight.

He is:

• a hugger
• compassionate - always the first to kiss any owie
• joyful
• observant
• a mimic
• stubborn
• flexible
• fearless (not always a good thing)
• a wanderer (also not good)
• strong
• persistent
• playful
• silly
• adventurous
• a duck - so at home in the swimming pool.

Happy Birthday Gabriel!!